I am a strong, independent woman, who never thought she would have this life and be strong and independent at the same time. I have a bachelor's degree and two teaching jobs. On my 26th birthday I will have been married to my favorite person for 3 years, 2 months and 2 days. I have a beautiful, insane, happy dog. I love my jobs, my husband, my dog, my life.
And sometimes, I talk about that stuff. I tell stories about the kids I teach, I quote my husband when he says something funny. Sometimes I even blog about it, because that seems to be the thing people do these days. Everybody has a blog expressing how much money they save buying/not buying whatever, how much weight they lost eating/not eating whatever, how authentic and original they are because they have a necktie made of birch bark or their house is made of recycled rubber bands. Everybody talks about how much they love their life, their fair trade purse from Nepal, their vegan crock-pot dishes, blah blah blah.
And I do love... mine. My whatever. My blah blah blah. But I won't say it just for the sake of saying it. I never just come out and say, "I love my life!" because it's ridiculous, like I'm desperate for you to clearly understand how much I am in love with the way I live.
What I really want to tell you is about how wonderfully mundane my life is.
Because, let's be honest. I still ask my husband to do stuff for me, just because I'm lazy. (It's alright. He does it too. We're partners in laziness.) And there are moments when I wish I could just be a stay-at-home-mom and have THAT be my job, instead of... this whole two job shenanigan. I like the silence that occurs when I'm playing some stupid app on the Kindle Fire and my mind just wanders all over the place. I enjoy watching Netflix with my husband into the wee hours of the morning, because we both work nights and have a weird schedule. I love the new shower head we got for the bathroom, because it only cost $6, and the water pressure makes my headaches go away, and my love for this shower head is so boring and awesome I've considered blogging about it. Also, nothing makes me happier than a dog nap... and I would blog about that too. But it's not interesting enough for the blogosphere. Occasionally I do wish that my life was as fabulous as the other famous bloggers--cute children, fancy dinners, expensive vacations to fascinating cultures, engaging ministries, being pregnant or being engaged or being sassy.
But it's not what I want.
Everybody wants attention--my father used to tell me something about how negative attention is better than no attention at all, and is often sought after when positive attention can't be found, (I made that sound super smart and classy. Just like dad, of course) and that's why people say nasty things or self-deprecating things because at least then someone will notice them. But I don't want attention just because that's what drives our emotional economies. I don't want attention just because I'm the hippest married/teacher/artsy/nerdy/poor/Jesus-loving blogger on the Internet. I don't want attention because I cause controversy. I don't want attention because I go with the flow.
I actually don't want your attention at all.
What I want, is to be.
I want to simply exist, and write in a blog when I feel like it, and not feel the pressure of the entire social network crushing my creative spirit because my writing isn't "edgy" enough or "ironic" enough or "authentic" enough. I am a person, with many characteristics and many loves and many flaws. But how the world sees me, or how they see my creative outlet (this little blog) does not define my personhood.
I promise you, I am edgy, and ironic, and authentic. I am poetic and creative and really sarcastic.
What I want, is this:
Not this:
For however much my opinion counts, I want you to know I appreciate your honest blogging about the small, mundane things. And sometimes I think that the people whose blogs and statuses are sassy, exciting, dramatic, artsy, etc...are very possibly trying to mask the mundane in their own lives which dissatisfies them. Not always, but I always know a couple people whose lives in reality don't match their self-portrayals. That said, I appreciate your thoughts on normal daily life as it comes, however you happen to feel about it, because in the midst of my mundane daily life, I often find it refreshing.
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