This week I started watching a new show. Er, a show, I've never watched... um... I started watching Felicity. You know, the one about the quirky college girl with frizzy hair. Stars Keri Russel. It's funny that I'm even explaining it, because I'm probably one of the only people on the planet who's never watched this show--the same way I felt when I first started loving Grey's.
I'm always the last person to jump on the bandwagon. To be honest, when I first started watching Grey's, I thought the show was over--as in, no more seasons, no more episodes. Boy was I wrong! But, Felicity started in 1998 and ended before I was even through middle school--which is great, because it means I can experience all of the nostalgic feelings I get when I think about 1998, without worrying that I'm going to start hating the show once they introduce iPods.
But, the weird thing about Felicity is that it makes me miss a whole lot of other things too. I'm not talking about late-90s cultural souveniers, like a Tamagotchi (now available as an app!) or bead geckos or that weird wave of platform sneakers. I mean, it makes me miss things I shouldn't miss. Okay, let me explain that. Let me explain the whole thing.
Here I am, a married almost-25-year-old with a BA, a decent apartment, a respectable collection of books and shoes and normal adult junk, and a cute dog. (see below.)
Here are some things, as that person that I am allowed to miss right now:
1. My parents, brothers, and other family members.
2. My home state. (Washington)
3. My friends in WA.
4. Friends that have graduated/moved away/etc.
5. People who have died.
6. My childhood (ages 0-12)
7. My first car.
Things I'm not allowed to miss right now:
2. High school.
3. Wedding planning.
4. My husband, dog, or anyone who lives within one hour of me.
Here are some things that I am not allowed to miss EVER:
2. Having the chicken pox, or bronchitis, or other painful sicknesses.
3. Old places of employment from which I was fired.
4. People who beat me up or called me names.
5. Being single.
6. Living with my parents.
7. There's more to this list, but it's not important for this post.
But since I've started watching this show I have started to miss. A. High school. B. People who beat me up or called me names. C. College. How and why is this happening?!
A. During the first episode, Felicity is graduating high school and I though, man, that must be nice, to have your whole future ahead of you, nothing to worry about yet. I thought, man, what a great time that was. And maybe, just maybe, it was a good time but this (this being the life I am currently living) is supposed to be better. I hold onto a few enjoyable memories from high school but there were also many periods of misery and depression. I do not allow myself to miss high school as a whole, as an entity or concept that is worthy of my thoughts. People, certain circumstances, yes. But not the whole thing.
B. Yesterday I watched an episode where one of the main characters, Julie, gets raped by her boyfriend. (Calm down. You don't watch it happen. She confesses it. Sheesh.) Now, thankfully, I didn't think about any ex-boyfriends. Rather, for some inexplicable reason, I thought about another guy I knew in middle school and high school and I thought, man, he was a real jerk to me even though we liked each other. We were mutually "in like" with each other, but this one time he pushed me into a stack of chairs, and he said really demeaning things. We were friends by the time we graduated, but still. And then I started to get really sad, because he won't be my friend on Facebook, and won't talk to me. I should not miss him! I should not feel sad that he's not part of my life! And that horrible episode should not have brought on these feelings.
C. Today. Today I don't know what happened to cause this nostalgia. The whole show is about college, but it is MUCH different from my college experience. (For one, Felicity's dorm room is practically the size of my whole apartment.) But there I was, half-paying attention to the cluster of freshmen watching football on a TV with illegally installed satellite reception, and then half-paying attention to the crazy roommate with an infected nose piercing, I thought to myself... man... I miss college. And then, all alone in my apartment, sitting on the floor making paper bunting for goodness' sake, I laughed out loud. It took me five years to get through college, and I graduated just over three months ago.
I admit, in the future, I will allow myself to miss college--as a whole! I will miss the place, and the people, and the free internet. (I won't really miss the cafeteria food.) But right now, that makes absolutely no sense.
So I'm going to ponder this some more, maybe watch some more Felicity, and perhaps, if I get bored enough, I'll try to make one of those stupid bead geckos, because, hey, I do what I want. (I also only ever successfully made one of them. I just don't like geckos very much, I guess.)