A new depression

Weddings are a lot of work. Did you know that? Especially when you are only able to do any wedding-related work for the 6 weeks before the wedding. And I've been engaged for almost a year and a half. That's what happens when you go to school 2000 miles away from home (and from your future spouse.)
So, after all the work I put in, and all the hard things I've had to endure, I want the whole event to actually be successful. Especially because after this, I'm moving back to Illinois indefinitely. I'm not going to be here. I'm not coming home for holidays.
I suppose that's why it hurts so much when people here tell me they're not coming. It's possible that this is the last chance people will have to see me or Joey, or my last chance to see them.
And I waited a while to mention this because I don't want to guilt people into coming. But they should be aware of what's happening, at least. I just hate this sinking feeling, that I might not see some of these people again.

for better or for worse

Today, I am working on my vows. And they are making me cry. They're not even done yet and I'm emotional. They'll never be done. I mean... if I'm going to be honest, they will never be good enough at all. I am such a word person. I write as much as I breathe. And I know I have a lifetime to give Joey good and heartfelt words, but none of them are going to be as public or significant as this. None of them will have the same expectations. I want these to be meaningful, and memorable. They need to be perfect. Good words come to me often, but now... I must find the perfect words.

I know it's May. But it's May in Washington. Yesterday, my mama and I drove home through wind, fog, rain, and lots of dark mountains. So today, I am home, and I want home comforts like coffee and candles at my desk.