Wednesday, August 8, 2012

So long sweet summer

I wonder how many times in the last ten years of my life I have pondered over that line, those lyrics, and sung them in my head, and gotten lost in the song like it was the summer of 2002 all over again.

"So long sweet summer. I fell into you, now you're gracefully falling away."

I know it's not cool to listen to Dashboard Confessional anymore, but I liked them before they were cool, and I'll keep liking them for a while, probably. It's just such a perfect song, which, regardless of how your summer went, always seems to capture the majority of what I'm feeling.

I spent my summer as a stay at home wife. I made candles and washed dishes and decorated the walls. I read too many books to count. I went to the beach and felt totally at peace, and got a sunburn. I procrastinated and slept in and played video games like a boy. I worried about my husband and about money and about being sick and about money some more and about relationships. I thought deeply about student teaching, but did not worry, for some reason.

And two weeks from today (today still being Wednesday) I'll be starting student teaching. It's not in the city I wanted, not with the age group I wanted, but I am hoping it will be a good experience. I am hoping that I can spare the money to get enough "teacher" clothes to wear 5 days a week for three months. (I will miss you, blue jeans.) I am hoping that I remember all the important stuff and forget about prejudices against sixth graders. Maybe.

And I'm hoping that the next few weeks can give me what I need. I hope I get enough sleep and feel at peace when it's over, peace that it IS over, and peace that it will someday come again. I hope that I can go to the beach early in the morning, one more time. I hope that I can do all the crafty things on my list and finish one more book and have time to get all those "teacher" clothes I am dreading.

But most importantly, I hope I find some secret grain of wisdom in the next few months, with an age group I didn't ask for, in a city I didn't ask for, just side-effects of the adventure I asked for.