Monday, July 2, 2012

If the walls of this room could talk... would they lie?

A partial quote from a favorite song by Ryan Adams is being used this week, because Ryan Adams is the the voice in my head when no one else is around. Not because the voice of God is elusive or that I favor Ryan Adams' voice over the voices of people in my life, but because I've spent so many years listening to his music in solitude that it has become habitual.

I have been trying to find a decent way to say what must be said without causing alarm for anyone. But there's also a part of me that loves being dramatic, loves to cause alarm, only to crush the feeling of shock with something anticlimactic and dull. So here it is: Joey and I are spending the week apart, at least until Thursday. Because we're having a huge fight!

Not really. More accurately, moving to Waukegan has squandered what little money we had to begin with. That, in addition to Joey having less hours at both jobs this last week, and the continual need to put gas in the car because both job are now a half hour from home, have contributed to the need to not spend any money until Friday. Joey will be staying with a friend back on campus, and will be here at the apartment--without the car, all alone, listening to Ryan Adams.

The only thing that makes this tolerable is that before marriage Joey and I spent most of our relationship apart. And I really mean most of our time, and I really mean very far apart. We're talking 2200 miles while I was at school for nine months of the year (for two years), and 70 miles while I was at home. [So to all of you people who complain that your sweetheart lives thirty minutes away or that you only get to see each other on the weekends, please shut up. Unless they live in another country, or they don't believe in e-mail/phone/etc. communication, you have no space for complaints.]

It will not be entirely difficult to get back into the routine of talking on the phone. And this is not the first time we've been apart since we've been married. Last August I was on a leadership retreat and was gone for a few days. But this will be the first time I will have to sleep in our bed by myself--although it is a wonderously comfortable bed. The other night, while mostly asleep, I described it as being made of "clouds, marshmallows, and angel wings." And it's just a mattress on the floor. No box spring. No bed frame. (though I wish we had both, because all normal adults do.)

So now, I get to do what I've wanted to do all year, and that's be a housewife. I will continue unpacking, there are only a few boxes left. I will hang things on walls and wash dishes and bake cookies and... maybe I'll even sew something. And I will miss my dear husband, all day, every day, until he comes home.