Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Before I say anything important, these are my new Christmas socks. My mother (or mama, as I call her) has given me a pair of Christmas socks every December since about 5th grade. These ones are fuzzy.

Why I started this blog... well, there are, of course, my hidden motives, which are more inappropriate than whimsical. But I also have reasons on the surface which, I don't doubt, any reader is aching to know. So I will enlighten you.

Reason One: Everybody loses.
People lose things. Socks, especially. Unless you live a jungle village untouched by society and things like stockings, you have doubtless lost a few socks somewhere between the dryer and the laundry basket. I'm sure you remember the frustration. You fold all your clothes (that is, if you're middle aged and actually do things like 'fold' and 'put away') and you realize there's that one striped tube sock. It looks up at you forlornly from the hamper. You might look in the dryer for its lost mate, maybe even behind the dryer, but eventually you will discard the sock. (My mom actually has a basket in the laundry room for lonely socks so that someday they might be reunited with their other half.) Now, socks are the least of your worries when it comes to loss. But not everyone relates to losing a loved one or the ability to walk or trust. We're gonna start with socks.

Reason Two: Everybody finds.
It's a very simple statement, but it's very true. Everybody finds stuff. Sometimes it's basically useless, like stray pennies on the sidewalk or some estranged photograph used as a page-marker in a library book. But other times you find things that are essential to your life, like a semi-decent job, a really tasty sandwich to eat for lunch, a child who went wandering in the park after another lady who looks like mommy, or "the one." Sometimes you find something right in time, like that parking space really close to the entrance of the theater so you don't miss all the previews before '2012.' And sometimes, you find things too late. For instance, I once found my debit card about three weeks after I ordered a new one. Regardless, everybody finds stuff. Detrimental to survival or just something to make you smile, such things are found.

Reason Three: Nobody keeps.
So now that we've talked about losing stuff and finding stuff (not necessarily the same stuff), I must establish the fact that no matter what, you don't get to keep it. That other sock you found? You don't get to keep it. Someday, that pair of socks will wear out and you'll have to throw it away. And that wonderful person you married? You don't get to keep them either. Not only is there a 50% chance you'll end up divorced, but eventually one of you will die and you won't get to keep that lovely marriage anymore. Someday... none of it will matter. It won't matter how many jobs you lost or friends died. It will all be over. You'll close your eyes and you'll be just like every other dead person. You'll have lost your life.

And there you have it.

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