Headspace

I was twelve the first time I found a delightful satisfaction in rearranging my bedroom. Being the only girl, I had my own room. I also had bunk beds, which were usually in an "L" shape, with my bed on the floor and the cool top bunk was saved for stuffed animals and sleepover friends. At some point during sixth grade I decided, probably while being forced to clean my room, that I wanted the bed under the window because that's how bedrooms looked in all the American Girl books. It looked so awesome, my room was clean forever for like a whole week, almost.

And thus began the wonderment of rearranging. I didn't mention it before, but it's an important piece of information: I did all of this by myself. Yes, I moved my bed without any help. And as I grew up I continued to do it by myself, even when my bunk beds were replaced with a metal-framed futon and my parents gave me a huge corner desk from Ikea. Sometimes I did it in the middle of the night. Somehow this not only didn't bother my parents, but it often seemed like they didn't even notice. Or maybe my new designs looked stupid and they just didn't say anything?

When I get bored with my space, or I feel restless, I rearrange. At least, I used to.

Until this week, it's only happened once since I got married almost 3 years ago. Our first September in this apartment (so, you know, about two months after we moved in) we moved the couch 45 degrees. Whoop-di-doo. 

So last month I mentioned to my husband how I wanted to rearrange my office space, move it to the other corner, etc. He seemed uninterested. This week he had 2 days off and so we talked about doing it together, because he would be home, and my metal thrift-store desk is actually much heavier than the one from Ikea. (sigh) We put it off all week, until today, an hour before he had to leave for work. "I've cleaned this up enough to move it," I said, offhand. And he said, "Okay, let me do it." He also told me to go into the bedroom, that I was not allowed to help, and was insanely secretive about it. Basically he just wanted to surprise me but he didn't know how to say that because... clearly he's just a crazy person.

I am now sitting in my new office space. It's cluttered, because he moved everything off the desk and it hasn't been replaced. Also, I have a lot of random things sitting around. Here's a short list of some of the seemingly unconnected items on my desk: box of Ziplock bags, old wallet, empty pickle jar, winter gloves, tiny plastic dinosaur, and eight million bobby pins. (the last item also applies to the entire floorspace of our apartment, plus every flat surface, plus the bottom of my purse, plus under the couch cushions, plus... you get the picture.) Not to mention normal desk items, like pens and a stapler a box of matches. Wait.... you don't keep a box of matches on your desk? Weirdos.

Anyways. It's lovely to be facing a new direction, have more wall space to decorate, and be able to see the clock from here. I've been pondering why it's so enjoyable, though. It's not like the mess really went away. I now have a view of the TV from my desk, which I don't appreciate. There are still papers to be filed, trash to be discarded (somewhere other than on the floor.) I do have a window into the kitchen now, which is pretty cool, but only if I have a butler to deliver cups of coffee through said window periodically. ;)

Within all of this chaos, I'm still extremely pleased. I am not horribly bothered by the clutter that remains. And I think that a new perspective is always beneficial, even if it's not perfect, simply because it's different. I think I like rearranging my physical space because it allows me to rearrange my headspace. My desk is my headspace. This is where I spend most of my time. I probably spend more time working at my desk than sleeping in bed. This is the space where I write poems and edit papers and create paper masterpieces. It's where I sit and think deeply--but look like I'm staring off into empty space. 

This is the place where I find my muchness. And it has been rearranged, reorganized, refreshed.